That girl

 

I’m the girl who says things

in public

who’s always late

who says what everyone’s thinking

or just what’s on her mind

no matter the company

not inappropriately

but honestly

taste full if the audience deserves

but only then

I’m the girl who’s walking out

when you’re walking in

tired of waiting for you to catch up

tune in

turn on

or drop out

I’m the girl you don’t think gets it

…but I did get it

have gotten it

and will continue to do so

before

during

and after you did

(I don’t miss much)

I’m that girl

The one you pretend you weren’t looking at

The one who looks directly into your soul

without blinking

and without apology

And yes,I do see right in two

the recesses of your heart

and past the barriers

you thought were secure in your mind.

I see you

and because I can see

I have to breathe deep

to keep

from being blown away

by the onslaught of each and every personality

as it hits me

 

 

 

 

 

 

©2012 All Rights Reserved

Hollow

disenchanted with the world

deliberate laksadaisy with a razor sharp edge

he smells like flowers

loves his daddy

2 badges short of an eagle scout

I could say that’s all I know about him

but it wouldn’t be true

….but everything else isn’t fit for words

he plays guitar and

he talks more than I do

because I can’t speak when he’s around

somebody shut the french door

the words don’t even make it to my throat

I’m too busy listening

I don’t want to miss anything he says

it comes out crooked

or maybe thats the just the way I’m hearing it

And it’s not what it sounds like — I’m not in love with him

it’s different….

his humor is drier than the drought in Texas this year

Strange that we came together when it finally rained

and what a beautiful sight to behold

to see him like I have

I’m willing to learn something he’s not trying to teach me

and it’s so obvious

but I just can’t seem to grasp it

and what he says he wants

isn’t me

but I’m something to do in the mean time

until something better comes along

Or maybe we’re both tired of waiting for that

and this really is a victory

and not just our hollow bodies

trying to make sense of the time we have left.

©2012 All Rights Reserved

Yet….

Irrevocable
that’s what he is to me
Can’t be undone
I will never
break free
and I’ve been too long
caught in this strife
Lonely and bitter
cuts like a razor blade —
worse
any knife
would leave less of my heart
in its skewer
untwisted
pure
straight from the source
impossible to revoke
unchanged
blood unfettered
apocolyptic horse
not to be recalled
once free from the stable
dictionary definition
appalled but unable
to stop
it was started so long ago
binding, immutable
and how far would you go
for the one and only
perfect fit
effortless ecstacy
so intense so serene
such a depth to this passion
is to wake in a dream
and find yourself lost
in a forest so deep
that to find your way out
you must go back to sleep
this
irretrievable
unsteady yet fixed
conclusive, unchangeable
final, not mixed
are these signals
unalterable unquietable and undone
He
is my
one
and I was his first
and he planted in me
an unquenchable thirst
that no other since
has been able to fill
and the thought of his return
shakes loose something still
in my bones such an ache
in my mind such a madness
unforgettable love
and so much sadness
in between
the days
since we first met
and our story
isn’t over
yet…

I do not ♥ the holidays

This year.  Has suck-ed.   From the beginning…to the end, and hopefully no further.  I have been mostly broke this year.  And I have no excuse, except that my mortgage is more than the recommended 1/3 of my income… almost half actually. And my electric bills this summer averaged about half of the other half.   I guess I should have moved after the divorce was final and the roommate situation didn’t work out because “the roommate” was stealing my kids shizzzzz and pawning it or selling it on Ebay or who knows what.  I guess that’s what you should expect from someone you’ve only known for 12 years and tried to help when they were in a miserable marital situation by giving them a soft place to land, right?  I mean, opening up your home to a complete stranger is nuts.  But when you take someone in that you’ve actually worked with for a few years, and had a social relationship with and who you considered a friend, *THAT* is supposed to be different, right?  Well.  Not for me. I sometimes wonder if I am the person the quote, “If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to serve as a horrible warning.”  was describing.  Hm.  Since I have no recollection of ever meeting Catherine Aird, I will have to recuse myself of any resemblance to this descriptor. Anyway, here is a great picture of my sweet girl puppy dawg.  If she shits on the dining room floor one more time, I’ll be putting *her* on Ebay.  (*sigh* not really.  I’m a sucker for a pretty face.)